And why do the guides like to point at stalactites and make phallic comments? C’mon, really. I’m creeped out.

We happily boarded this luxe junk for a one-day cruise around Ha Long Bay to see the limestone formations and feel pampered. We were defs impressed by the boat and the luxurious factor. The sights were pretty to behold from afar, and some parts of the bay were cleaner than others. I wouldn’t call it pristine, and I wouldn’t say it was horribly polluted either—some parts are somewhere in that spectrum. I’m not sure why portions of it are murkier than expected, and I hope that the environmental standards don’t continue to slide in the name of industry.